"Hey, God told me that he rigged it up so that only Born Agains go to Hell, and everyone else goes to Heaven... Yeah, he thought it might be funny... He rigged it up like that 2000 years ago, but then the joke got old, and now he feels kind of bad, but he messed up the programming so he can't revert it easily, and now it'll probably be another 2000 years before he can straighten it all out so that everyone can go to Heaven... Well, I saw you reading The Purpose-Driven Life, and... I just wanted you to know that God doesn't really love you that much, but on the other hand, He feels kinda bad about roasting you, but He doesn't have to roast you if you just tone it down a little. Like, with the worshiping. It's gotta stop. I'm telling you because I care."