"Sweetheart."

[xenologer]

Having a perfectly lovely conversation on Facebook about reason and faith. Now, there was a guy, A, who was agreeing with me, and that's awesome. Then a woman posted to disagree with us, and he started showing his ass.

L (the other woman in the thread): I understand what you saying but you construed my meaning. I said living with logical being all matters is a partial existence. The flip side is true as well. Living with all emotion and no logic is a partial existence. Love is both emotional and thinking based.

I said: Logic and emotion do not have to be at odds. That's what I'm saying. There is no area of life which is well-served by exempting it from reason and periodic checking back with reality (also known as: getting evidence). If we have to exclude wishful thinking from medical decisions and romantic relationships and be real because the stakes are too high to play around, can faith really be doing any favors for the little decisions?

Then A has to come in and say one little word that screws it all up.

A: Sorry to burst your bubble there sweetheart but

Then he said some stuff I fully agree with and which I won't reproduce here because it isn't topical and this isn't the place for that discussion. The point is... what the fuck. "Sweetheart?" Really? First off, no. Secondly, this is the OP's wife he's talking about, so I know damn well she's not any kind of "sweetheart" of A's.

Me: A:

1. You say good things. I am down with the content of your post, fully. Fantasy is great, but wishful thinking is not a good decision-making tool. Most people know this on some level, even people who like to pretend they don't. It's easy to tell, because they are functioning adults who in all other matters will actually check whether the things they believe are true. They just exempt religion, and pretend that it's not special treatment. Weirdness. I agree with you.

That said,

2. The "sweetheart" thing kind of put me off. I don't like guys talking down to me like that, and so I've tried to make it a policy to say something when it happens to someone else. You make awesome points, and the "oh silly little woman" tone wasn't necessary.

A: I believe in calling a spade a spade. If a woman is acting like a silly little woman, and IMHO L was, then I say so. In my mind "silly little women" tend to overemphasize the importance of emotion and that feelings of the heart are paramount overriding all logic. Sorry if that puts you off. Feel free to use your favorite "silly little boy" phrase on me if you really feel that I was behaving as such.

See, guys, it's not misogyny if he's just saying how he feels. Totally.

Me: And I believe in calling misogyny misogyny. Dismiss what she said because it's bullshit, but you don't have to go all "oh man dames are so overemotional, you poor silly skirt."

A: If you wish to call it misogyny then that is your right. I see it more as what simply tends to be the case for many women - though definitely not all. You, for example, are a shining counter example. And I didn't say I hated women - in fact I love women - though I don't like this particular characteristically trait that much. If it makes you feel better I don't particularly respect men who hold similar opinions and I would even use the term "sweetheart" on them too. And lord know there's enough undiagnosed misandry going on!

Let's try and unpack all the shit which is wrong with this. Well, no. Let's just unpack one of them. We don't have all goddamn night, right?

Me: I'm glad that you have Many Female Friends that you don't hate because they're not like those others who are characteristically overemotional.

I am also glad that I'm not like all those other hysterical women, and am a shining counterexample. I just need to find a masculine gay guy and an articulate black guy without a criminal record, and a legal resident Latino with a job, and we'll have a full complement of Exceptions to Bigoted Rules.

I am not going to call you a silly little boy, because there isn't an equivalent for men to telling a woman to keep her darling little mush-headed overemotional mouth shut while the boys (and the women who talk like boys) are talking about important rational boy stuff. That's not just a side-effect of calling a woman "sweetheart" when you want her to shut up; that's why it is effective. It's what the tactic IS FOR. That is why women up until now have apparently obligingly shut up when you do it, and I can't inflict that on you because there isn't an equivalent in our culture. I won't call you a silly little boy. Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to point out that you are making excuses to a woman who is calling you out on sexism like I don't know what it looks like. This is not because I am overemotional and oversensitive and just generally too darn feminine to be taken seriously. It's because I expect better of you. You can disagree with a woman without being sexist about it. You won't even have to try particularly hard; you'll just have to try. I don't think that's asking a huge lot.

We were having a good conversation about the place of faith and reason, and I called you on a sexist thing you did, and you started blowing smoke up my ass. It doesn't work.

I don't plan on posting any more in here until tomorrow, so that L can come in and punch him in the dick for herself. I have my differences with this woman, but that's not any excuse to get all bigoted and stupid about it. She's wrong because she's wrong, not because she's a silly little woman. Fuck's sake.

Edit: Oh, I was wrong. It got better.

Man, who lit the fuse on your tampon there sweetheart? ;-) Yeah I could bow to the PC gods so as to make sure all the thinned skinned people there are PC happy however I've never been politically correct. The way I see it that's for politicians and I'm not running for office. I said you were the shining counterexample but really I don't know you that well nor do you know me. Perhaps I was too quick to judge? Will you ever forgive me? I didn't peg you for a thin skinned person either but this sure seems to be one of your issues. We all have 'em.

There are words for silly little boy - they're used every day. I'm surprised a woman like you is having difficulties finding them. You read way too much stuff in to far too few words without bothering to ask what is meant. I will leave you to your delusions then and two things to ponder. First, I don't see sexism as bad. It's part of the spice of life where I come from. The war between the sexes is alive and well and shows no real sign of letting up. And secondly... It works for me!

How can I resist that?

Yes. It's so edgy and courageous to pick on people with less social power than you do. You stick it to the PC police, you macho manly man you. No silly dames are gonna tell you when you're being a jerk. What do they know, anyway?

I'm out. Don't bring your sexist bullshit to my Facebook wall or I will throw you out like the unruly neighbor child you are.