MACHO FIGHTING SHOWDOWN

[xenologer]

I saw a banner ad for some kind of martial arts combat training thing, and when my partner pointed it out to me, it really pissed me off. He mentioned how much he hates that ad, and that had me actually (for once) actually taking a moment to perceive a banner.

It said, "WARNING: Do Not Read This if You Have Moral, Ethical Or Religious Reasons Forcing You To Cower Helplessly While Someone Attacks You, Your Wife Or Your Kids..."

Then you click it and it takes you to a site for some famous asscrack who wants to teach manly men how to kick the crap out of people. I'm not linking it because I have a feeling it's loaded with terrible viruses that would eat your computer.

I sent the site this email through their feedback form:

I realize your product is not geared toward women (since your "cower helplessly while someone VIOLENTLY ATTACKS you, your wife, or your kids" ad is obviously directed at men who have women in their lives who are as helpless as their children), but I wanted to give you a heads up that women are allowed to own property now, and maybe you should start marketing some of your products to them, too.

Also, thanks for reminding me that I can't marry a woman in my state. I couldn't defend my wife if I wanted to, because I'm not allowed to marry ANY woman. Sensitive subject; I'm SURE you understand.

-(me)

Seriously ridiculous. Then there's some hilarious stuff on there that mitigates my rage. Because they deserve to be laughed at (so that in the grander scheme of things they will have been good for SOMETHING), enjoy this excerpt with formatting preserved from the original site:

    Listen:

          Almost 80 years ago, on the eve of World War 2, there was a meeting within the House of Lords in London. In attendance were some of the world's richest and most powerful men: Including billionaires (there were only a few at the time), diplomats, kings, world leaders, presidents, and other powerful "elites" who controlled vast sums of money and power.

          These people were literally desperate to discover the answer to one question, and one question only:

"What REALLY Works In Combat?"

          Why did they need to know the answer to this question?

          Because these guys were scared shitless (and rightfully so) that they were about to lose their entire fortunes to the single greatest threat mankind had ever seen:

          The Nazis.

WTF random Nazis.

You need this product. To protect your wimminz.

From the Nazis.

Comments

[klibingly-jivl.livejournal.com]

What?

WHAT!?

[ievil-spock-47i.livejournal.com]

Huh?

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, that's on the Cracked site. Which has some really good links to stuff, and hilarious "articles," but I'm sick of that ad.

[safenthecity.livejournal.com]

I... Wait- what???

Nazis???

I did not realize Nazis were still such a violent threat toward my helpless little woman. I better sign up for these classes now!